The Details
by Damian Lovat
Summary: Who knew that a single raccoon could wreck Tails' entire life? Based off the movie The Details. Rated M for lemons (only three, you pervs) and some kinda heavy stuff. Horrible description, yes, I know. Please just read it.


*Author's Note: I'm sorry about the random indents. My laptop's being a royal dick.*

I have to admit, when I saw the movie _The Details_, I immediately, for some odd reason, thought of making a Sonic fanfic out of it. Don't ask me why, I've got no reason. Heheh, I just realized that sentence was part of "It Doesn't Matter" from SA2, no bullshit.

AHEM! Now, without further ado (is that how you spell it? I don't fucking know…), I present to you…

_**The Details**_

_**Chapter One: Begin at the Beginning**_

Where do I even begin the tale of how my life went from perfect to total shitstorm, huh? Oh, right. At the beginning. Not with the bottle of bull tranquilizer, not the plant, or the transaction, my kidney, the adult entertainment site I spent a few too many hours on, or even the fucking cheese and salami. No, I start at the beginning.

I should tell you my name, for starters. I'm Dr. Miles Prower, and I work at Saddleback Memorial Hospital in the city of San Clemente, California. I have a beautiful wife named Mina and a darling two year old son named Skyler. We had just moved to San Clemente that summer and I, in my infinite wisdom, hired a landscaping crew to recreate the backyard my son had missed so much from our move from Shasta.

Alright, I guess I should answer a quick question you have in your head. I'm a Mobian, living on Earth, right? Didn't we go back to Mobius at the end of Sonic X? Wrong. The show they made after us was complete bullshit. We're stuck here. Hell, they didn't even get our ages right. I wasn't eight when we came here. I was seventeen. Plus, it doesn't help that the rest of our people came along with us instead of just a small group like the show presented. And for God's sake, I've never met a chick named Cosmo in my life. I DID meet a nice mistress that I later realized was a mister who was named Cosmo, but no amount of cold showers or brain soap could cleanse me of my shame…

Anyway, back to my story.

So, I hired the landscaping crew to work on my backyard, to make it just like the one back in Shasta that Skyler just loved. The first day of construction had started and ended with the laying of freshly unrolled grass, and when time had passed when both human and Mobian men had taken off their shirts and coveralls, all hell began to very, very slowly break loose. It happened at around nine, little Skyler was tucked in for the night, Mina was reading some book about parenting (I'm not sure why, though. She was and still is a damn great mother), and I was at the dining room table with my laptop on my favorite porn site with my fist around… you get the point. Anyway, I could hear Mina calling my head over the two chicks, one human and one feline Mobian, going at it like rabid animals on my screen, prompting me to slam the monitor down onto the keyboard, wipe the sweat on my forehead with my left hand, and approach the room as if I were doing nothing. The moment I took one towards the door frame, Mina shot up her hand and put a finger from her other hand to her lips.

"Listen."

It took a few seconds, but I eventually heard it- the sound of rodent feet scurrying around in our new backyard. Something out there, some cosmic force, be it God, or Allah, or fucking SpongeBob for all I know or care, was about to royally fuck my whole life over. And thus I began my search for our invaders.

The next morning, of course. Both Big Miles and Little Miles were done for the night, if you catch what I mean.

"It's raccoons, hun."

The morning had already come, and so had our pests. Our backyard, our beautiful backyard, was in shambles. Literal shambles. Not the fucking figurative kind with zero actual meaning. Literal fucking shambles. The tufts that were once smooth spaces of grass were yanked, as if not by raccoons, but by some major dick who really wanted me to go after them. But I knew better; the tracks were left by Earth raccoons, not Mobian raccoons. At least Mobian raccoons have standards. These vile creatures were a menace, the scum of the Earth. The little fuckers ruined my son's backyard.

"So, uh… what now? Do we set traps? Unroll more grass?"

"I don't fucking know. We've just got to get rid of these damn things."

Mina nearly turned her nose up at my language, but only because I hadn't notice Skyler waking up at this point. Typically, she curses far more than I do, but never in front of Skyler. The little guy was cute, though, especially when waking up, with his soft little yawn and those damn Spiderman footie pajamas. He was a light orange, a favorable balance between the coats of both me and his mother. But that didn't make not cursing that much less of a pain in the ass.

"Oh, Daddy's got a potty mouth, doesn't he? He knows he can't be saying that shi- er, stuff around little ones like you, right, Sky? He's being a real di- …jerk, huh?"

"Alright, alright. I frickin' get it. No frickin' cursing in front of the frickin' kid. Stop frickin' faux-cursing in your frickin' baby talk."

"Stop frickin' saying frick, you frickin' frickstick!"

"FRICKETY FRICK FRICK FRICK!"

"FRICK OFF, MILES!"

"NO, FRICK YOU! EVERY FRICKIN' TIME WE FRICKIN' ARGUE, YOU FRICKIN' TURN IT AGAINST ME WITH OUR FRICKIN' KID! SO FRICK YOU!"

"OH, WELL THEN, FUCK IT! WE'RE ALREADY FUCKING YELLING IN FRONT OF HIM, SO WHY NOT ACTUALLY SAY 'FUCK', HUH!? FUCK YOU MILES!"

"HOW THE FUCK IS THIS EVEN MY FAULT!? THOSE GODDAMN RACCOONS TORE UP OUR FUCKING YARD-"

"OH, BLAME IT ON THE FUCKING RACCOONS! WELL, HERE'S A FUCKING IDEA! WHY DON'T YOU GO OUT THERE AND FUCK ONE OF YOUR RACCOONS!?"

"WELL, BITCH, THAT'S MORE FUCKING LIKELY THAN ME FUCKING YOU!"

And thus the argument was followed by dead silence.

"Well… that escalated quickly."

"Yeah, I know. I mean, what were we even arguing about, anyway?"

"I don't know. Raccoons or some shit like that?"

"Seems legit. Look, I'm just gonna go look up how to take care of these things and then head off for work. I've still got two hours to kill anyway."

"Fine. I'll take Skyler to the back and try to put him back to sleep. And you better be looking up raccoon stuff. I had damn well not catch you on another site again, you hear?"

And so I was a good boy at home and looked up raccoon extermination shit, in in the next week tried everything from my hose, my shoe (and one of those little fuckers stole the said shoe), to goddamn coyote urine. I almost considered baiting them into my garage and asphyxiating them with tear gas like this one guy claimed to have done, but the same guy turned me off of the idea when talking about the mess he had to clean up. These little bastards led to two more arguments with my wife and nearly evaporating my sanity. And so I did the only logical thing.

I went on to E-bay and bought a 5oz bottle of bull tranquilizer.

After waiting for about five days, I took that shit into my kitchen, opened up a can of tuna, poured it into the can, left it under a tuft of torn grass, and finally had the quiet, peaceful sleep I hadn't had in weeks.

(*So, what do you think? Sorry for the short chapter, but I'll make it up to you in Chapter Two, I promise. Please, R&R and give me whatever necessary feed back that comes to mind. Lemons won't start until the next chapter, and there will only be three of them. This is my first M-Rated story that I'm going to stick with, so please bear with me. I'll try to post a chapter every Wednesday, but I might fall out of that. Thanks!*)

I do not own Sega Enterprises or Universal Films.

_**END OF CHAPTER**_


End file.
